While researching online for various divinities and ageless beings for populating the book I am writing, I have on occasion come across a peculiar delusion infesting odd corners here and there. Namely that ancient gods were actually aliens from other worlds. Never mind the fact that the stupendous distance between stars makes such voyages if not impossible at least very improbable, the idea that the beings our ancestors worshiped were material entities much like ourselves only more ‘advanced’ is a bit blasphemous. At the very least it’s ridiculous.
This probably all got its start in the mid-twentieth century when the old view of ancient gods being either demons or just non-existent had largely faded away. With the advent of high tech and clearer views of what lay beyond the earth, an idea of divinities being more concrete in origin began to surface. The original Star Trek series had an episode where the crew of the Enterprise encountered a being who called himself Apollo demanding that they worship him.
It turned out this being was in fact an alien with sophisticated technology which the intrepid Captain Kirk and his merry band of officers managed to overcome. Subsequent iterations of Star Trek had the same trope, with Deep Space Nine showing the gods that the Bajorians worshiped as actually being aliens living inside a wormhole.
A series of pot boiler books over the years has added fuel to the addled fire starting with Eric Von Daniken’s Chariots of the Gods then Zecharia Sitchin’s The Twelfth Planet and more recently with Graham Hancock’s works (which sound like thinly disguised rip-offs of Eric’s earlier writings). For some reason the pantheon of gods from old Mesopotamia, the Annunaki, have been singled out with a fair amount of rubbish written about them. Reading reviews of the above books gives me the strange feeling people don’t really know what a god is anymore.
Well, needless to say, this all just begs to get skewered. Since the god Marduk is one of the characters in The Age of Dionysus, I decided to write my own send-up of all this. The following scene opens with two characters, Zeke and Brian, both small time crooks, who re-encounter each other in a cafeteria run by Maenads as the Maenads have taken over part of Manhattan. Brian tries to explain to Zeke about Dionysus and the other gods and is met with a certain initial skepticism. Until…..
………………………………………………………………………….
As Zeke spoke, Brian could feel a faint vibration, as of heavy footsteps. Ripples began appearing in the coffee Zeke had set on the table. Zeke looked around baffled.
“Huh? Is that a pile driver or something?”
“Nope. It’s Marduk. He kowtows to Dionysus but He struts around like He’s the one in charge. Here He comes…”
Marduk barely fit through the doorway leading to the rear of the building even though it was big enough to drive a pick-up through. His head brushed the top of the door jamb. At least He had gotten rid of that stove-pipe shaped hat He had when Brian first saw Him. But He still wore the shawl-like robe, golden belt and sandals, apparently refusing to update His wardrobe. Brian could see Zeke out of the corner of his eye, his jaw nearly hitting the table. The skinny man gripped the table edge in white knuckled shock, his eyes bulging.
“Sweet baby Jesus.” whispered Zeke.
“Oh-oh.” said Brian stiffening. “Here comes trouble. He must have gotten past the Maenads at the door. See that fat little guy with the goatee?”
“Yeah, that’s the weirdo who handed me some dopey flier about a space alien conspiracy.” said Zeke. “I just threw it in the trash. I take it he’s not supposed to get in?”
“Yeah, but it’s too late now to stop him. He’s zeroing in on Marduk.”
The intruder, dressed in a blue serge suit just barely fitting him, clutched several books crammed with loose papers. Before anyone could stop him, he positioned himself directly in front of Marduk, Who halted and scowled at this impertinent mortal.
“Great Annunaki of the world of Shibru, it’s very important I discuss something with you.”
“Eh? What are you blathering about? What is Shibru?”
“Why – why the planet you come from.” replied the man, looking a little nonplussed.
“I come from here, you ignorant lump of mud.” growled Marduk.
“Oh, well, I mean I’m sure you were born here but your ancestors came from the planet Shibru.”
“Someone has put termites in your brain.” Marduk replied straightening until His head nearly brushed one of the ceiling fixtures. “I am a child of Mother Earth, just as you, unfortunately, are. My Mother is a water goddess and My Father Enki, Lord of the Waters. You are fortunate He has Transcended or He would be stamping you into the earth for mouthing such nonsense.”
“But – but – “ The man clearly had some sort of conspiracy script running in his head and Marduk wasn’t following it. Taking a deep breath, he tried again, pointing at the books he held. “Well, I understand that you Annunaki genetically engineered my ancestors to dig gold for you – “
“I do not know or care what you are talking about.” boomed Marduk, His voice making the walls vibrate. “You humans mine gold for yourselves because you think it’s valuable. Why should I care about or want it?” Suddenly He reached out and snatched the books from the man and began thumbing through them, loose papers falling to the floor as He turned pages. Apparently Marduk could read English because His face grew dark as a thundercloud.
“What is this madness? My brethren coming half a million years ago? Why We were all born after the glaciers melted, not before. And why would We need slaves?” Marduk threw the books on the floor and with a slight gesture materialized a huge club. It looked like it had been carved from a tree trunk and was topped with a soccer ball sized metal sphere bristling with spikes. He brandished it menacingly while pointing at the books. “Did you write this?”
“Oh – oh no, no!” stammered the man, his face ashen, finally grasping he was in danger. “It – it was written by a Mr Von Kovski. He – he said your people came in spaceships and – and built the pyramids -”
Marduk burst out laughing.
“The Egyptians themselves built the pyramids. We gods have no need for such structures and even if We did, We would not need slaves or anyone at all to build them. You humans are the ones who made them. Do you really think so little of yourselves that you believe you lack the wit or strength to make such things? If I ever meet this Mr. Von Kovski, I will crush his skull for uttering such blasphemies. Now away with you!” Marduk swept His massive hand, knocking the unfortunate man into some tables near Brian and Zeke, where he lay groaning. Marduk resumed walking and went out into the street, the outer door He passed through already looking as if He had been through it several times.
“Well, that ended a little better than I thought it would.” Said Brian, getting up to check on the man. The room had been dead silent during the exchange but now some of the Maenads began laughing in relief. One of them, a woman name Diane came over beside Brian.
“Somebody get a stretcher.” She called over her shoulder. “We probably better have Doctor Harris check this idiot out. I’m surprised Marduk didn’t kill him like He did that preacher.”
“Marduk must be in a good mood today. For Him that is.” replied Brian. He went back to sit down while the Maenads located a stretcher. Loading the dazed conspiracy theorist onto it, they hauled him off. The books and loose papers were swept up and tossed in a trash can. Zeke shook his head.
“Now I’ve seen everything. But what was that about a preacher?”
“Some bible-thumping fundie minister showed up a couple days ago. Apparently he thought all these gods are really demons so he was all set to do a rite of exorcism. Unfortunately he tried it on Marduk who just bashed him with that big club He’s got. That was the end of him.”
“I bet.” said Zeke. “Kind of an Old Testament type of god, huh?”
“Yeah, smite first and ask questions later.”
“Isn’t that Von Kovski guy dead now?” queried Zeke.
“Yeah, lucky him.” replied Brian, polishing off his coffee.
